


Bittersweet

by MilkNPork



Series: Fanfiction Trash [5]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Drug-Induced Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Knifeplay, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Power Bottom!Izaya, Realization, Torture, really long fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 16:02:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4355366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilkNPork/pseuds/MilkNPork
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shizuo wakes up in an unfavorable predicament, the perpetrator none other than his beloved “flea” Izaya. Rape, torture, attempted murder, realizations, and revelations ensue, and the two come to a realization that their supposed “hatred” isn’t what it seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks again to the awesome-sauce MrItachi8myramen from Wattpad for editing and error-checking.

The first thing I noticed was the cloth of black around my eyes disabling my eyesight, much like the tinted dark blue shades I wore around all the time.

Instead of panic, I first felt irritation.

I’ve always hated the color black. For one, it feels constricting to be surrounded by it much like I am now, and though it might make other people feel bleak or desolate, all I felt was this exasperation, like an itch that won’t go away similar to the short-tempered violence of my body as it moves on its own. And at the back of my mind I’d hear a snicker from the familiar voice that I wanted so badly to scream in pain, the voice that clearly mocked me…

The color black reminds me of Orihara Izaya.

The next thing I noticed as I arose from my unconsciousness was the intense miasma of iron. The smell reminded me of the run-down apartments, unkempt buildings that housed several customers hiding away but nevertheless Tom had managed to collect debts from thanks to the reputation of yours truly.

…”Strongest man in Ikebukuro”, huh. It’s not like I wanted to have this immense power in the first place – no, actually, I’d go so far as to say I hate violence. And yet the common men of Ikebukuro even dare give me one of their lousy nicknames – they sure as hell know nothing.

I’m sure they don’t know why I’m here right now either, because I don’t know why myself. What I do know, now that I can hear the muffled city noises of Ikebukuro, is that I’m most likely in a room still somewhere in the city.

And only then did I feel my stomach clench in alarm and perturbation, as I tasted the very source of the iron smell from before in my own bloody tongue.

When I finally managed enough strength to lift up my body from wherever it was I was lying on, the numbness spreading about my body dissolved to nothing, and I felt the coolness of shackles shut tight around my wrists and ankles.

“Oh my. Shizu-chan, you’re awake.”

I immediately recognized the voice and just about growled at the nickname reflexively. “I-za-ya…!” My anger boiled over immediately and I broke free from the restraints and pulled off the blindfold and grabbed his collar and— eh?

Eh? I can’t move…. The metal restraints were surprisingly extremely resilient, even against my own strength.

“Heeh, looks it’s the real deal, huh~” Izaya chimed ominously. “I guess even someone like Shizu-chan would be affected by something like that…”

“What the hell did you do?!” I tried again, pulling on the restraints more aggressively and felt them loosen the slightest bit, but it was still not enough to free my limbs. It was frustratingly difficult to move when all my nerves were tingling, and the fact that I couldn’t see anything was making me panic by the second. “Don’t fuck with me, I’ll kill you!”

“Hey, Shizu-chan,” His voice drew closer and closer until I could feel his breath touch my ear. I shivered as his voice grew sultry and quiet, “won’t you play with me for a bit?” he whispered, sliding his palm along my chest sensually.

The odd sense of foreboding from before turned into nausea as I caught on – I was about to be violated by the man I hated the most and the last person I would rather prefer to be the perpetrator.

“O-Oi, flea, stop that!” I protested, struggling futilely against the constraints as I heard my own belt clinking open. The shackles loosened a bit more, but I was too unnerved to notice. “Seriously, why are you- mmph!” Suddenly, rough lips pushed forcibly against mine and invaded my mouth with the taste of sickeningly sweet candy.

“I figured that killing you here and now would be boring,” he began, undressing me much to my resistance, “so I decided to observe you for a while before I do that.” He said, and to my horror, I heard the swish of metal pulled out from its sheath. “Unless you want to die now.”

“Shizu-chan…” Izaya breathed beside my ear, and I stiffened as I felt the chill of the flat side of his knife slide along my cheek. ”Do you know what this is?”

“Bastard…” I spat angrily, although at the back of my mind, my anger was mixed with the anxiety of the blade cutting through my skin in a single flick of his hand. My pride was slowly dissolving as I let the flea toy with me like this – but it’s not like I could do anything to stop him.  
Suddenly, the coolness of the knife disappeared. “Ne, Shizu-chan… have you ever had a knife pierce through your body?”

It all happened in a second. I shut my eyes beneath the blindfold and heard the whoosh of the knife grow closer as I braced myself for the excruciating pain and right when I thought it was the end…

...the blade cut through the darkness.

I blinked my eyes open, confused as brown eyes met reddish brown. On the floor right below the gap between us was what used to be the blindfold, now ripped in half. I looked around us in disorientation and recognized the place to be his office.

“Someone looks terrified…” Izaya teased with a smirk, nudging my chin with the tip of his knife to make me face him.

“If I manage to take these off me, you’re dead.” I threatened, lightly pulling on the restraints once more. It was only slight, but slowly I could feel the grip loosening as compared to its initially firm grip on my wrists and ankles.

“I’d like to see you try.” He challenged, raising a curious brow at my barely hidden attempts of escape. "But are you sure you would rather kill me? It seems your body says otherwise..." he suggested. Then the knife slightly pressed against my chin was set to motion again, sliding down along my neck and passing by my collar. I stiffened, trembling inwardly as the danger was put literally to my throat. One wrong move could kill me here.

Suddenly, the ravenhead's hand jerked downward and cut through the upper part of my bartender top, nearly giving me a heart attack. I sped up my fumbling with the restraints.

At that moment, I felt them slacken at a particularly hard tug before finally unlatching. I tackled him to the ground in a heartbeat and relished in his look of wide-eyed surprise.

“I-za-ya…” I growled, straddling him with my hands on his neck. I rubbed my thumbs against his Adam’s apple and felt him gulp. “I’ll fucking kill you…”

“Shizu-chan…” he uttered, the uncharacteristic gentleness in his gaze and voice making me falter the slightest bit – and that was exactly my mistake. He leaned up closer to my face until I could see his eyes inches from mine and after a second of confusion, I once again tasted the saccharine flavor of his mouth invading mine.

I pushed him away impulsively, coughing as the taste turned bittersweet in my tongue. Suddenly, an intense wave of heat ran through my body, and I couldn’t stand – the sensation keeping me pinned much like the restraints I had broken free from.

“What… the fuck did you make me drink?”

Izaya got up from the ground and knelt on one foot in front of me, smirking down on me being the cocky brat he was. He let out his tongue to answer my question, and I noticed that it was slightly stained blue. “It’s a drug, see? I swallowed some of it too by accident, but most of it went inside you.”

“What… the hell…” I struggled my way up, but fell and crashed against the flea. I tried to ignore the heat in my blood pooling down a certain forbidden spot. “Tsk, God damn this drug…” I pushed him away forcibly.

“Heeh~ Shizu-chan, I never thought someone like you would be this eager…” The information dealer teased, suddenly grabbing said spot in my moment of inattention. As a result, I toppled over him again before I had a chance to retaliate. “You’ve always been pining for my blood, but I never thought you’d ever pine for my something else.” He said, straddling me on the waist.

“O-Oi!” My protests went unheard as his hands traveled downward and continued to undress my half-ripped clothing. He slid his palms along my now fully visible torso, the unexpected cold of his hand sending shivers down my spine as the cold trailed an irresistible fever and arousal from my abs to my chest. As those hands reached my nipples, I held my breath to prevent my voice from escaping and embarrassing me in front of this flea – that was the last thing I wanted.

Something tells me I won’t get out of here without embarrassment anyway though.

Ever persistent, I tried to resist once more. Izaya saw this, and suddenly swooshed the knife to my neck. “Be a good boy and let me spoil you, Shizu-chan.” He pinched my exposed nipples with his other hand, alternating, and I swear I could see white flash for a moment as a fusion of pain and pleasure emerged from the continually abused chest. “Or do you want me to punish you instead?”

Caught in the myriad of sensations, I was slow to register the clink of metal and the chill as it wrapped around my wrist. When it did, I struggled again. “Wh-What the hell?! Take this thing off me!”

My wrist was now handcuffed to the nearby desk too heavy for me to lift at my state at the moment. Great.

“After we’re done playing, maybe.” Izaya said, then launched himself atop me. He grabbed me forcibly by the hair and pushed his tongue into my mouth. My mouth began to heat up, and I almost found myself giving in to the tempting pleasure but then I felt a familiar, bittersweet taste. I resisted with the fading strength I had left and pushed him away. “Shizu-chan~ You have to take your medicine~” he whined, mocking me with his tone.

The drug took effect almost instantaneously, most likely because it was undiluted, albeit only being of small amount. I felt dizzy, and the need for release grew even more intense that I started thinking unthinkable thoughts to the point that I almost actually considered doing it with that damn flea.

A hand fumbling with my belt was what brought me back to reality. “Wh-Wha-?”

Izaya only grinned up at me as he unbuckled my belt and forced my pants off in front of me as I felt like I was in a daze. “Aha, I knew it. Shizu-chan prefers boxers over briefs, hahaha~” he laughed.

“Shut up!” Ah, like I said. I won’t get out of here without being embarrassed at least once.

“How about saying it in a ‘nicer’ way?” he provoked, casually pulling down my underwear to my ankles. His eyes widened as my lower half was revealed. “Oh, yours is pretty impressive!”

“Izaya, please shut up. The commentary is unappreciated and unnecessary,” was what I wanted to say, but I know he’ll only poke fun at me for it with something like ‘what, getting hasty now, are we?’ and that would not make him shut up at all.

“Now, now… It seems little Shizu-chan wants some attention,” he began, “why don’t you try begging for it?”

“Hah, like hell.” I thought to myself, but my drugged body seemed to have other ideas. As a result, I ended up staying silent.

“Come on, say it. ‘I want Izaya-sama to mess me up’… easy, right?”

“…” Whatever ounce of reason and shame I held onto was pushed away. “Just- Just fucking get on with it, damn flea!”

He chuckled triumphantly. “Roger that~!”

Before I could blush over the flow of events and my unsightly behavior, his lips wrapped around me greedily and my brain ceased functioning. The warmth and wetness of the inside of his mouth seemed to satiate the numbing effect of the drug and I felt each movement as he bobbed his head, each motion of his tongue that somehow knew all the spots that made me shiver. The vibrations caused by his own voice intensified as between squinted eyelids, I noticed his hands fingering himself. At the very least, I managed to stifle my moans by worrying my lip, though I made a few, inevitable but quiet and humiliating sounds.

As much as I hate to admit it, he was very skilled. 

As I slowly started losing sight of my shame, the familiar slide of metal apart from my handcuffs resounded. Smirking eyes met lost brown orbs, and his mouth left my now-fully hard dick halfway from exploding.

"Stay still." The informant commanded before brusquely pushing my legs up.

"Wh-What the hell...!" I try to push them back down and fail pathetically. That's some really strong drug, huh... I'm completely powerless.

"Stay still, Shizu-chan. It's only going to hurt more if you don't."

"What exactly is going to hurt?!" The sound of his knife before did not help my apprehension.

The cold, sharp tip of said knife suddenly sat onto the back of my thigh and I held my breath, trying to be as motionless as I could possibly be.

What I felt as it descended and pierced through my skin was more of surprise than pain — and I did register the excruciating pain when the knife slid along my skin with the tip still buried inside, widening the wound enough that I felt a thin stream of blood escape and run downwards to my buttock.  
Izaya himself was uncharacteristically silent, seemingly focused on whatever excruciation it was he was doing to me. Apparently, whatever sick thing it was, it's something like his masterpiece.

Suddenly, he pulled the blade out from my wound. I sighed inwardly in relief but even that was short-lived as it invaded a different part of my thigh and proceeded to follow a sort of trail. I cringed, trying to endure it.

By the time he was done with the piercing and sliding, my thighs were too numb to feel anything. It didn't help that my member was still rock hard.

"Sorry for the wait, Shizu-chan!" He said nonchalantly. "Let me show you my masterpiece; it symbolizes my deep hatred for you. I know you feel the same."

He put my legs back down and pushed the right one to face me — and I was faced with an array of bloody scars that formed a word — rather, a name.

"See, isn't it beautiful? With this you'll forever be reminded of me every time you have sex."

"Hah, like hell. I'm not a whore like you."

"Wait, does this mean... Shizu-chan, are you a virgin?" At my silence, Izaya laughed loudly. "I can't believe someone like you has never gone out with anyone at all! Humans are so easy to please, but you... You really are a monster."

That's why nobody loves you, I continued in my head. I know that. I've always known that people would never see a monster like me as a human being with feelings.

Maybe that's why I keep following Izaya, despite our deep hatred for each other. He knows that I feel, that when he tricks or teases me, I will react because I'm still a human with weaknesses.

I guess that's the reason for this odd attachment I have to him.

"How about I comfort you?" he whispered right beside my ear.

With no warning whatsoever, he straddled me and forced my shaft inside him.

A throaty groan left my lips before I could stop it. "Ugh, shit... What the hell..." This turn of events was utterly different from what I was expecting — but I'm not complaining here. This was a better outcome than being the one to receive... Sometimes I wonder about the things that go through this flea's mind.

Nevertheless, this was fanning the flames of the arousal in my body caused by the drug — or was it really because of that? Gradually, I lost sight of the cause already.

"Shizu-chan... Does it feel good...?" Izaya breathed, grinding his hips sensually against mine. He wrapped his arms around my nape seductively and giggled. "Ahaha... the look on your face is priceless!"

Yeah, as if he's one to talk. He wore a face of wanton lust and pure pleasure that it would have embarrassed even me if we were still sober.

Said face inched closer to my own until our lips met, and impatiently I thrust my tongue into the cavern of his mouth.

He moaned against our lips as I explored his bittersweet mouth freely with my tongue. I could hear my own beast-like breath as our tongues intertwined.

He must have wanted to take control back, because amidst the fevered exchange of saliva, he took me by surprise and began thrusting his hips down erratically.

"Hah... The drug must have... gotten to me too, huh..." He let out between constantly accelerating thrusts, ever-present smirk still there to piss me off.

Shame and reason long since lost in the heat of my blood, I found myself returning the favor and driving back into him. One hand clutched the cheek of his bottom, while the other...

Snap. The handcuffs binding me were now deemed useless as the pair snapped in half.

Perhaps it was revenge for looking down on me and being an overall cocky brat, or maybe it was the drug talking me into doing it, but I wanted to take control from him, control of him.

As soon as the handcuff broke away from my wrist and fell to the ground, I grabbed his other cheek and with a grunt, pinned him to the ground, still connected.

"Here to flaunt your skills, I see?" He said, appearing unaffected as he flashed the very same cheeky grin I wanted to wipe off of his mouth. I could smell his nervousness in the air though.

I decided to test the extent of that mischief. Placing his pale legs around my waist, I began moving slowly, but hitting him deeply.

"Yeah, th-that f-... feels awesome... S-Shizu-chan..!" He choked out his words, most likely trying to piss me off that I can't dominate him entirely. But instead of anger, I was turned on.

Despite that, I still haven't given up on wanting to dominate this cocky flea.

"Shizu-cha-- ah!" Izaya cried out as I began to pull out and shove myself deep into him, hard and fast. Smugness joins lust in the fever running through my body, and I relish in my dominance.

Izaya's pleading voice did not disappoint as he dug his nails into my arm. Seeing this different side of him and how I was the first to see it somehow made me feel pleased.

And aroused, apparently. My climax drew nearer and nearer as I moved faster and I almost allowed myself to come — but there was something else I wanted to do.

Without ceasing the heavy thrusts, I shifted my hands from his waist to his neck, without missing the sharp breath he inhaled beneath desperate moans as I stroked his jugular vein with my thumb.

It was like a race. Tighten my fingers around his pale, fragile neck enough that there was no way to resist, or the two of us coming together, which one would go first? That would be me finally choking him to death and ending the violence he's caused me and the world.

...But why am I hesitating? This was my chance, presented to me on a silver platter; it's something I've always wanted to do to the person who brought out the beast in me, so why?

"Shi- Shizu... chan..." The object of my guilt let out amidst his constricted throat. I was conflicted, torn between long-awaited murder and drug-induced desire —

— but I asked myself, is it solely the drug that's causing this yearning heat in my chest? Will I really believe what my own mouth says if I try to convince myself that I was forced into this by that aphrodisiac?

Doubts took shape, and I loosened my grip on Izaya's throat. He coughed and panted like a dog, gasping for breath.

I didn't want to think about anything anymore. As my fingers left his throat, they found their way back to his hips and I thrust mindlessly, letting myself be consumed by the uncontrollable desire as his breathless huffs only served to turn me on even more.

"Shizu-chan... I- I'm coming...!" He breathed, voice rising up an octave as he returned my thrusts weakly. His limbs clutched onto me tightly like a koala, and he stretched his neck upward to capture my lips in a kiss.

At that moment, we came in unison as white flashed in my mind and I felt the drug finally cool down and leave my body.

With it came bitterness of reality with the realization of what exactly it was I truly felt for this goddamn flea. This "strongest man in Ikebukuro" was caught in a web of bittersweet love with Orihara Izaya.

"Shizu-chan, I have a customer waiting. I'll be going ahead while you fix yourself." He pulled away, lightly shoving me away as he wiped himself clean and dressed up. "Feel free to use the shower; I left a change of clothes for you there "

The wooden door closed with a silent click, and I sighed. I picked up my rumpled pants and ripped shirt, feeling around it for my cigarettes. I took one, placed it between my lips and lit it up, looking through the window absentmindedly.

The smell of tobacco mixed with the fading scent of sex without overriding it, and my hopes of somehow distracting myself with the vice were futile. I was... in love with him. It was easy to admit it, because it explained a lot of my feelings in our violent encounters even without the drug to blind me — but the fact that I could admit it to myself this easily was what surprised me the most.

Either way, these feelings would only be fruitless. After all, that flea only sees me as a violent monster he loved to taunt and tease. I guess you could say that these feelings were just like that bittersweet drug: a sugary sweet candy as we lost ourselves in the pleasure, but the bitterness of the aftermath would hit us hard in the end — except it was only me.

I took a long drag from my cigarette, and crushed it on the floor, half-smoked. Guess I'll heed his advice and take a shower; it's starting to get cold in here, plus I was still stark-naked.

As I made my way to the bathroom, a mechanical ringing resounded amidst the quiet office. I followed the sound and it brought me to the landline sitting by the desk.

There was a beep. "Hello, Izaya?" Shinra's voice sounded through the speakers. "It's about that drug you ordered. Call me up as soon as you get this voicemail, okay?" Another high-pitched beep ends the call.

So that drug was from Shinra, huh... Looks like I'll have to go to his house later to show my utter gratitude for that, I thought, cracking my knuckles lightly.

It was then that I noticed a sort of device connected to the landline. It had what seemed to be a sort of play button, and out of casual curiosity, I pressed the button.

"What do you mean you don't know?" A female voice I recognized to be Yagiri Namie said through the speakers.

Then Izaya's voice, devoid of its usual mischief, replied, "It is what it is. I've always been able to predict human actions, but only him... Shizu-chan is the only one. I can't tell what he's thinking."

"Yeah, yeah, you love humans and hate Heiwajima Shizuo. You're only using that as an excuse, you liar." Namie sighed. "That's it, I'm hanging up. I don't want to hear a man in his 20's ranting about his shitty love life. Fix this yourself." She hangs up, and Izaya breathes an exasperated sigh.

"Love, huh..." The voice from the recorder muses, considers, before the tape ends with a click.

Heiwajima Shizuo leans forward on the table, covering his tomato-red face with his large hands, as Orihara Izaya leans backward behind the wooden door, a similar shade of red tainting his cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

> I need requests, guys *pouts* Come at me! XD  
> Comment and tell me what you think; I won't bite... maybe. *wink wink* (No, seriously. Comments inspire me to write more, so... BUT if you think me and my gay filth should die, then don't comment XD I agree actually, but...)  
> No, seriously. Tell me in the comments if you think it's good or bad, if they're acting out of character, if ANYTHING actually. I'll appreciate it ;DD


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